I deserve alone time

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but we all deserve some alone time: to nurture, love, and be with ourselves.

I was recently away from my daughter for a week. My sister - bestie and partner in crime -recently got married to a wonderful loving man. I love them both with all my heart. They decided to get married in beautiful Cancun, which was a perfect middle point for our families to meet.  

Originally Tim, Luna and I were going to go together, but in the end, we decided it was best for Luna to not travel and for Tim to stay with her. I had ALL the mom-guilt leaving my *baby* behind. I felt guilty because I wasn’t going to be with Luna and because Tim was going to be solo parenting. Plus, I have a confession to make -> I’m a controller. Tim is a wonderful father, but I like to have control over things. And being far away from them meant having no control on what was going on over here.

As the trip approached, my anxiety grew, mixed in with the sadness to be away from them both. I was going to miss them terribly! Yes, it was going to be *only* one week, but to me that was one week too many!

And then the trip came.

And once I was there, reuniting with my family and friends after so long… after a couple of challenging years for everyone, I realized what a gift it was that I got to go and be there.

I got to see my sister walk down the aisle and marry the man she loves.

I got to hug both my grandmas, my aunts, my cousins, my friends <3

I got to meet new friends and family.

I got to have some time for myself.

I kicked my mom-guilt in the butt and let myself enjoy the moment.

The beach, nature, rain, connecting and reconnecting with my friends and family, was all magical.

And even though I missed my love and my baby deeply, the truth is I needed that time.

I deserved those days.

I owed it to myself. 

So, this was a reminder to myself to not get lost in my day to day, to fill my cup so I can fill other’s, to love and honour myself, and to release my need to control everything.

P.S. Tim and Luna had a wonderful week together. Tim managed to establish a bedtime routine for Luna (we had been struggling for months!). Maybe I need to go on vacation more often.

Lourdes Smith
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